بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِيْم
Something I cannot begin to stress is contentment of the heart. So many of us are lacking it. And so many of us are looking for it. And so many of us cannot find it! And some of us have given up.
It’s crazy. It’s crazy how we are responsible for our heart’s contentment. And if we aren’t finding it, we are definitely looking in the wrong place. And we’re probably doing something wrong too.
Take this for example. A man is married to a beautiful woman. He loves her, and she loves him. A lot. They have two wonderful children. He has a great job, lives in an awesome neighbourhood, drives an amazing wip. He has it. He also does what he can to pray and fast and give in charity. But there’s one weakness he has. His love for strange women.
And when I mean strange, I don’t mean unattractive weird women. The women are gorgeous of course. They’re just not his. And don’t get me wrong, his wife is a babe. She has everything these women have and more. But yet, her husband is just not satisfied enough.
Okay first of all. I want to say something. A tad bit of advice. Before a man or woman wishes to get married, they need to get their cards sorted out. Marriage is a responsibility. A big one. And you need to give yourself and what you can offer to make it work, and your spouse needs to do the same. And before entering into this agreement, one should be as whole and content as possible. Otherwise, it won’t work. If you come into a marriage being emotionally broken, seeking the other person to fulfill you, you are beginning an unhealthy co-dependant relationship, that won’t go too far, under the false notion that it is a perfectly okay “marriage”. When it’s not a healthy relationship at all, or fair either.
Both parties need to do what they can to be whole. Sometimes, people suffer from addictions because they feel there is part of them that is empty and needs to be filled and hence to feel this wholeness they will indulge in unhealthy activities. An emotionally healthy person will avoid addictions altogether. So if you know your potential spouse or current partner is suffering, help them to get help.
It’s only when you are whole that a person can give freely, not needing any favors returned. They will give from the heart, not because they fear they will be abandoned or unloved if they don’t. It’s sincere.
So this man had the successes of life, but deep down, there was a whole, a whole maybe not too many people knew about. It was a spiritual void. And he found these women filled him. Momentarily. At least that was what he thought. But it only increased him in his emptiness and dissatisfaction.
The eyes are an amazing creation. But many of us have suffered on account of them. Imagine how this man feels when he sees “beautiful” pictures of women, that are probably not to real either with it’s touch ups here and there and what not. Imagine how he feels when he goes home and sees a regular woman. How a regular normal woman looks like. Without her makeup and the typical not so seductive self. Not too happy I would assume. And if she has an attitude too, then, haha, I don’t know. And now he’s comparing and imagining, thinking,“Hmmmm, I wonder how life would be with this woman?” or, “I wonder if I married the wrong woman?” And now he believes there is something wrong with her, when she’s perfectly fine.
Theodore Roosevelt once said, “Comparison is the thief of Joy.”
In this case, it is. I mean, okay, maybe his wife could improve in her looks. Maybe she has been slacking lately and not taking care of herself the way she used to. And by all means, she should take care of herself. But consideration should take place, and perhaps this husband should realize that this woman has been giving her all taking care of his family and children for the past few years and perhaps she hasn’t had the same time available as she used to. A little understanding is what’s needed from him if anything.
Sometimes, it’s our transgressions and wrongdoing that are the reasons blessings are taken from us.
Perhaps, because of this man’s roaming eyes, all hell broke lose in his family and things weren’t the same anymore. Maybe because of his secret love for the unlawful that his wife has changed towards him and doesn’t treat him the same as she used to.
One of the righteous salaf was known to have said, “I disobey Allâh to find its effect in the way my animal behaves and my wife.”
Perhaps this is why. And he’s thinking the problem lies with his wife. What did she do, miskeen! Maybe he should take a good look at himself and see where he went wrong. Anyone who points at anyone should perhaps take a good look at himself first. Maybe it all began with him.
He sought out the beauty of other women hoping that would bring him satisfaction. But it only made him question the blessings he had. If took more than it gave him. Contentment is not achieved through doing the things we will regret later on. The heart knows what is goodness and it becomes satisfied with it. The heart also recognized what is harmful and becomes restless because of it. Do you think this man would sleep well if his wife knew the things his heart has been caught up in? He would be far from tranquility and be in a state of restlessness.
When we look at something that we shouldn’t, there is a longing that builds up inside of us. And it goes from a simple, “Hmm this is interesting..” To sometimes a full-blown, all out, perfectly planned mission to have that thing in our possession, whatever it is. We just want it. If we can’t immediately have a thing, we tend to just start off by gazing at it. But if we don’t persist in it, one step leading another. Destruction basically. First comes the empty feeling and the needed to have that thing to fulfill us. Then comes the even more empty feeling, which should be like warning bells by now, and then the eventual spiritual destruction. Sometimes that can lead a fatal one too.
Our contentment of the heart is tied to a lot of the things we do with our limbs. When we give, we feel great. When we steal, whether it’s a glance or other things not meant to be taken, we feel depleted and depressed. And if not depressed, then that annoying gnawing of unsatisfaction in the chest builds that must be taken care of immediately haha.
Lowering the gaze is a challenge for both men and women. But it’s even more of a challenge for men. I understand. Women are pretty beautiful haha. But the consequences are deadly. Too deadly, it may not even be worth the temporary joy. It’s not worth the temporary surge of serotonin and dopamine that makes you feel so good. In the long run, it depletes the goodness in that man’s life. Instead of focussing on the important things in life, this young lad, plagued by his obsession to get that quick dopamine fix. He wants the high, he wants to feel that. Instead of him working towards the important things in life, which would have normally given him that sense of accomplishment and achievement and success, that “high”, it is replaced by his addiction. What happened to his accomplishments? His achievements? HIs goals? They’re replaced by this fix. And this typically happens to the young ones. May Allah protect us.
Contentment is so important, it’s needed for healthy well-being. There are things we can do in our daily lives that can help build it. And if developed enough, will take the place of our unhealthy choices, Insha Allah.
Having something to aim for helps with a persons contentment a lot. Have a dream, something to focus on. Find your purpose and let nothing distract you from it. Let it be your own personal thing, nobody even has to know about it.
Strat giving back. To your family, your community. Be of some benefit to the people. We all have something to offer. You could help spread awareness, visit the sick in the hospital, give in charity.
Self-development is great. Find ways you can improve, financially, spiritually, aesthetically. Find what parts of you that need to be developed, and grow. All ways. If you want to learn something new. Go ahead. Learning can do well to a person contentment.
Appreciate. More. Look at the good things Allah has given you and value them. If you’re blessed with an amazing family, show thanks, treat them well, be content. If you have a beautiful wife who works hard to make you happy and smile, be loyal to her, keep your eyes for her only. How will you ever appreciate what’s in front of you if you’re always looking elsewhere?
An amazing piece of wisdom I learned is,
“If I ever go looking for my heart’s desire again, I won’t look any further than my own back yard. Because if it isn’t there, I never really lost it to begin with.” -L. Frank Baum
Meaning, there’s no need to look elsewhere for what will make your heart happy. You already have it all. All you need is to show thanks 🙂
Let’s try to live by this, shall we?
*Hope you enjoyed. If so, share with your family and friends! For more good stuff follow me on any of my social media websites, and be sure to check out my latest course here Salaah
Baarakallah Feekum! 🙂